dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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