So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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