either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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