i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
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Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
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2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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