Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize