ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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