drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize