I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I FOUND THE LEGS
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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