Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize