the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
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If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
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You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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