I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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