1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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