i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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