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glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
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