Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(562): View more from California

glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore

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(562): glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore http://tfl.nu/a739

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(972): View more from Texas

they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!

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(972): they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE! http://tfl.nu/deur

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(770): View more from Georgia

Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.

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(770): Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces. http://tfl.nu/5t2e

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(404): View more from Georgia

"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?

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(404): "tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went? http://tfl.nu/cthr

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(704): View more from North Carolina

i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.

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(704): i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes. http://tfl.nu/4acf

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(812): View more from Indiana

sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.

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(812): sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city. http://tfl.nu/nl67

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(207): View more from Maine

She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.

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(207): She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird. http://tfl.nu/49lo

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(605): View more from South Dakota

you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?

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(605): you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out? http://tfl.nu/fgrz

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(541): View more from Oregon

I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.

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(541): I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago. http://tfl.nu/gs96

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(540): View more from Virginia

he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride

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(540): he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride http://tfl.nu/4fyt

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(807): View more from Ontario

I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.

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(807): I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing. http://tfl.nu/a3a6

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(910): View more from North Carolina

No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.

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(910): No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate. http://tfl.nu/lhje

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(606): View more from Kentucky

at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.

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(606): at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk. http://tfl.nu/jf5g

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.

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(505): Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle. http://tfl.nu/hoqs

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(423): View more from Tennessee

hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.

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(423): hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT. http://tfl.nu/qhme

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