I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
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Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
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Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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