I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
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is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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