I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize