11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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