I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
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Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
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If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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