so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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