If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize