I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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