He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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