Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
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Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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