I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize