Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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