rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
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Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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