Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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