Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
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