Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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