Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
why is half of my head shaved?
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