Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
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if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize