Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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