best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize