I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
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I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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