Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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