you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
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I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
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The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
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