Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
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I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
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I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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