alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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