We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
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I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
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You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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