You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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