last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
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Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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