I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize