so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
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Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
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My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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