I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
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