Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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