so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
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I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
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I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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