I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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