well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She told me I should be a condom model.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Let's get the cat blown out
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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