I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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